munsterina: MunSTeR and Tales

The fish are gone.

10/18/2014 12:24:00 AM

The aquarium fish is gone. In fact they are all gone since a few months ago and i didn't even notice that. And they are the little peacock fishes that my dad breed and feed. I remember sometimes, we will sit at the stair steps and admire them. How they can swim endlessly in circle around our little 24 inch long aquarium, trapped. And how sometimes we neglected them but dad will always remember to fed them and even clean the aquarium regularly. It has always been dad's work. And now. No more.

When my mum told me over the phone that the fishes died out of hunger and they are going to move the aquarium away, i swear i didn't cry but my eyes went all sore right away. The first thought that strikes is i don't want this change, the aquarium reminds me of my father so so much. I like the noise, the splashing sound from the aquarium. And those spectacular turbulence flow they created and even how my sister makes weird noises around the aquarium and literally play with the fishes for hours. And how my dad will lecture her on that habit and she still do it again the next day. I don't want to miss the feeling where you are all alone in the house but you know the fishes are with you. It's different.

Yet.

I realize how versatile life can be. One moment you have this and the next moment they are gone. How the group of friends changes and you might shift around like sand, wondering where you belong. Sometimes, looking at the ones you called as close friends moving on and having fun without you, you can't help but feel a pang of hurt. Th only thing you can do is shrug it off because you know you shouldn't feel that way. Being all 'carefree' and flexible and busy. Being all grown up. And you wall up. Yea. It rhymes.

So conclusion? Shucks. I'm just feeling not well tonight. I guess they shouldn't dispose the aquarium. It's making me very melancholy. And the song Amnesia by 5SOS. Now look at the essay and theory that i've came up with their decision. Oops indeed.

Good night.

Time never waits.

9/08/2014 11:30:00 PM

Hello there, my name is Sam and I'm a third year student taking Chemical Engineering in Curtin Sarawak. Back in primary and secondary school, my ambition is to be a teacher, like my handsome superman Apa-dad. And then the time came when i need to make a choice. Apa said: "try A-Levels" so that one day i can get a degree overseas (and travel) and one year later, I found myself completely lost on a crossroad. Apa looked at me in the eyes and said: "it's okay as long as you did your best". You see, he never lose hope in me. But is that my best?

In the following year, I worked as a part timer in Dell for 3 months and got a glimpse of what it's like to be in the working world. I admit, it's boring to be stuck in that daily routine. I looked at Apa and Ama and wondered, how can they live for more than half of their life doing 'the routine'? I quickly put that thought at the back of my mind and in 2011 July, I found myself enrolled in Curtin University, flew across South China Sea and stepped foot on the land of Borneo. I am not an adventurous person or a risk taker. I like to play safe and insured in the grounds i'm familiar with. And so this is one of the boldest move i've ever did back then and i know i wouldn't have done it without Apa's faith in me. Plus the money of course.

In an effort to shake off 'the routine', I started to open up and participate in clubs and activities and this that and made acquaintances and true friends and even left a little red mark in Curtin. My ambition-turned-aspiration is to become a lecturer now. I reported these 'paranormal activities' to Apa and he said: "go ahead as long as you can handle your studies". But I did not. My academic was affected and I started to get less than 5 hours of sleep everyday. Finally semester break came. I went home and I show Apa my result. His handsome face tells me he was worried but he said: "as long as you do your best". I felt awful. That's not my best if i've focused more on my studies instead of curricular activities. I told myself i'll do better next semester and without realising it, I've made myself a routine of 'next time'. Next time I'll clear my table. Next time I'll cook for Apa. Next time I'll make my scrapbook. Next time I'll blog. And the list goes on everyday. Time flies and everytime i went back home, i found new wrinkles and white hair on Apa and Ama's face.

In August 2013, in campus, in the middle of an event i organized and when i was 3677 kilometres away from home. I received a call from Ama about cancer and scientific words and 4th stage and operation and things i do not comprehend and... about Apa. When I put the phone down, I actually thought i will break down the next second. I do not understand, deny to understand it but my mind has pre-processed the information and at that moment I knew. I remember I took deep long breathes to refrained myself from crying as I carried on that night, behind a cheerful and i'm-okay complexion. A long night and the event was successful. "Be strong, show Apa your smile". But i cried when i walked home alone anyway. I imagined life without him and I couldn't wait to hop on the earliest flight available to be by his side. I dread for what's coming next.

The next day, I flew to my family and we waited outside of the operation room, anxiously. Nobody was crying (at least i'm not) because imagine, Apa was joking and smiling when he entered the operation theater. He said: "don't worry i'll come out soon.". He did. The operation successfully removed a big load of the tumour from his spinal cord region but the thing is still there, inside, spreading. But what's matter is, it is a miracle and Apa is back with limited time. And that's when i know days are numbered.

I am lucky to be my dear Apa's daughter. He's the father, the best friend, the gamer, the boss, the teacher, the joker, the silencer, the travel companion and fundraiser, the fan, the supporter, the know-it-all-genius and my role model. Always. After the operation, I start to tell him I love you. I start calling home often. I start to prioritize. I start going home frequently during tuition break and spend more time with family. I also start taking more pictures of him and us and moments. I treasure every second spent with him and to make him glow and happy was on my check list everyday. And time to time Apa will go for check up and it was always good news. He was recovering so well yet, suffering endless pain that he hid so well.

Time was not on my side. Ten months after the detection, Apa passed away. It was really unexpected because he was only doing his usual check up and therapy at that time. One week earlier I was by his side in the hospital and i even remembered he scolded me in his gentle way for not feeding him properly in the hospital before I flew back to Miri for studies. But the next thing i knew is everything changed too soon. I could have crumbled up like a piece of paper without my friends and family support. I lost him afterall.

Throughout the wake i manage to put a smile on my face, i didn't even cry because the tear duct wasn't operating at all. We put on our armour for the upcoming battle. Ama is fierce and strong. Achun is heartbroken yet strong. Amei don't understand what's going on but she is strong. Tzehui doesn't show how she feels but she is strong. We became the ones to comfort groups and individuals who miss him in that five days. And I see then how many people's heart Apa had touched in his life. They are students, not-his-student-but-Apa-inspired-him/her, colleagues, comrades, friends, classmates and more and more. He had leave his legacy in this land, and it slowly spreads with me and my siblings and his students and even random people who respects him. I almost thought he's a superstar, because, he is.

My dear superstar Apa, it's Mooncake Festival today. 3 months have passed and I believe you're in a better place now. I miss you. We are doing fine, and i like to think that you're still here with us. I guess you are really smart afterall for leaving your last words in your phone back in August 2013. I got your message Apa. I will be great. I love you.

Early Morning

1/18/2013 04:51:00 AM

She Demands For A Love Letter! ;)

9/10/2012 11:59:00 PM

Low Self-Discipline!

5/30/2012 01:10:00 AM

Reflection

5/22/2012 12:53:00 AM

Taken in Miri Esplanade Beach @ 19/5

Before i start writing this post, i actually browsed through all the photos taken so far in this month. If you're curious about the quantity, it's 967 and no this is not a random number. I even used a calculator to get the number right. Haha vain. Anyway. the past weekends might just be an ordinary one (ordinary = assignments and quizzes and wasting time) if i didn't sign up for this AIESEC LDS seminar - a conference between UKM and Curtin students. Games, talks, lectures, persuasion, dances and new friends. Three days and it changes my perception in life. It made me reflect on what i am today.

What I lack of? Confidence. I always tend to avoid eye contact whenever i'm speaking to a crowd. I'll be that girl who will stare at the ceiling and rap whatever blabbering stuff she's supposed to. And then hurriedly she'll bow and run away from the spotlight. She can't even get her head clear when she's facing the crowd; every sentence and word are scattered and disorganized, and believe me, it's unbearable.

So, there is this sharing session where people volunteer to go up the stage and umm, practically, share. 1, 2, 3, 4... 9. The outspoken one, the hyper girl, the lyke-a-boss brother, the loud feilou, the chio girl. One by one they share what they've learn in the conference and finally they are telling me, this is your last chance. You opportunity. Your platform. I took a deep breath and raised my hand high in a speed of light. I think i even closed my eyes. And sprained my arm. But anyway, turns out, i am the last person going up there and talk.

Why i am sharing this is because i wanna tell you that with this simple act, I have gain the courage to change. Change but be the same you. I was hesitant at first, but seeing sooo many people have done that, i am like, why not? All these time, how narrow minded i am for thinking that i simply don't like being the center of attention and so i avoid stages and refuse to stand up and voice out. I was rather judgmental for also thinking those who opt for the limelight are attention seeker. Ironically, I also take them as the bravado for their humongous guts. I am wrong.

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something in your life.

Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965)

It takes a lot of effort and guts to be the first one to stand up. That person is the leader. But the leader needs to be easy to follow and must not back down in whatever circumstances. Then there will be the first follower. The first follower leads the second and the second leads the third. Without you realizing, everybody is in fact, the leader. It might be awkward at first, being the 'weirdo' and doing something people are not, but once everybody joins in, it won't be. The key is don't ever change yourself to fit in. Be you.

And so, that's practically what I had summed up from the seminar. Here's a video (link) they shared. It really inspires me.

///

Never underestimate yourself. Your will is your strongest weapon.

I am learning. Final is 2 weeks away and I'll start by not repeating my last minute tragedy again. Cheers. By the way, the 3/967 pictures above are unrelated to this statement. Teehee. I'll be back with hot guys soon.

PS: Why the ladies nowadays keep demanding hawt guys. Why. Y U NO APPEAR IN MY LIFE. #vain

I don't know why I always write long essay

5/04/2012 11:48:00 PM

So, I don't know why but recently, people around me keep updating their blog, for WHICH, makes me feel the heat and pressure of not updating your blog as regularly as them. So, i biatchyly decided to write a not short not long paragraphs of words in order to make myself feel better.

Anyway. You know, I always label my albums in my lappie by month name + description. For example: January Joy, February Fab, March March!, April Already and so on. And guess what. This month my album is actually named as May Mayhem. Yeahhh, i know i'm so creative right, but save your praise just yet, that's not the point. The point is, why university life so hectic...

Deadlines, weekly submission, presentations, group report, individual reports, lab reports and more coming soon. You practically stick to your chair nearly all day except when you're heading to lectures and events. True story. Ugh, worse than secondary school. In the first place, I wonder who spread the rumor saying university life is like honey moon during my high school years. Obviously it's a big fat lie. :(

This is my room, 306.

The state of condition in the picture above does not even come close to the actual state it is in right now.

And my room OMG! No comment. And my piling laundry. Seriously no comment. And my white tiled floor which is full of strand of hairs. Better no comment. And my table OMGAGAA. Can't even comment. And my foods and titbits and bags of food. Comment: Shouldn't put so near my table, keep grabbing them whenever I got the chance, ish! Which, made me fatter by 1kg in 2 weeks time. Digitally proven by the weighing scale of my new roomie. That means no exercise, only more fat and lazy bones ugh.

I'm not complaining though. I'm just, procrastinating. For the sake of throwing words onto my blog. heh. More presentable you know. (whuteva that means) And I'm tired of writing formal language in my reports. "The Munsterina website is officially constructed in year 2011 following the latest trend of blogging from the younger generation these days." Imagine a news reporter voice from a radio; passive and monotone and *yawn. I can't talk like that for more than 3 minutes, which is bad, sigh. The more for me to worry about for my future position as a 'vice-leader' of the BOD and also yikes, my oral presentation.

Very excited. And looking forward. I mean just in the past few weeks I'd already dress up so many times for different events that i think i'm not so shy with skirts and dresses anymore. anyway, here's a sneak peak of what I'm gonna wear. If you're curious of course ;)

The top is bought recently in Parkson. And the shoe, oh the shoeeee, the heels is short enough for tall people like me, so yep, no complaint. Thank you apa! :D The pencil skirt is bought in Singapore just last December. Sui bo? If only i can wear my cons which are expiring in June 2012. *beechslap. Waste money. :(

On a side note, I'm also very the excited about tomorrow. Guess what guess what guess what! Ella from SHE is getting married tomorrow. Sob, so happy for her. And i thought she'll be forever alone (sorry!), guess it's just me. Anyway, can't wait for the videos and more SHE appearance and the coming album already! And that's why i want to take this opportunity and put up their beautiful pics here. I mean, beautiful pic (singular).

S.H.E @ 2010

I'll try not to write so much next time. Pictures, pictures. And more gorgeous guys next time, promise. Might be talking about Avengers afterall, since it's the hyped ;) besides, i so have something to share, if i still remember the details until then of course. Regarding the boys, and a little bit of a girl. So summary?

YAY, I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW. A LOAD OFF MY CHEST! AND YES I AM SHOUTING!!!!

This is so lame. darn it. #kthxbye :\

Daylight

4/30/2012 08:30:00 PM

This morning, I was doing the Leo Garden thingy, the usual stuff: painting names, putting the Leo Garden signboard, planting plants etc. The signboard, its supposed to be attached to a wood with a wire i brought along but unfortunately, i forgot to bring my scissors. I looked around. From far, a nursery worker was working on the garden. The thin worker is slightly taller than me, he wears an oversize crumpled cap and a shirt hanging loosely on him. He was squatting on a corner, replanting the ixora that i'd planted a week ago. His expertise, mud-stained boots and weather worn hands led me to assume he's older than me. So i used my very the poor Malay language to ask him for a scissor by calling him "Encik". Nope. No reaction at first call. I raised my voice and called him again, this time walking towards his direction with my arms raised. Finally.

He turned around. His face is surprisingly young and innocent. Must be his bugs bunny teeth. Anyway. He looks like a local to me with his very tan skin which assembles the tribal people in Borneo. We exchanged a brief conversation, with me stammering on every sentences due to my poor verbal Malay. Ugh. So he went around and looked for scissors for me. And he came back with a parang. I know right. But we continued on with the wiring task. He stood there and watched awhile and offered his help which is so nice of him. Anyway that's not the point. In fact the point comes now.

He started talking in Malay. I kinda remained silent until he starts asking questions. So i used my Maglish to answer his questions. And from the convo, i'm very the sipek surprised and shocked. He's freaking 19 years old and he's omaigagaly one year younger than me. And he told me he is studying 1st year 1st sem back in Indonesia like me until... Until what? I remembered clearly. His face turned grim when he hesitantly told me he's been here in M'sia as a garden worker for 3 months now. His tone was low and emotional. And that makes me wonder. He gave up his study just to be here? He prefer to 24/7-ly stay under the sun when he has a university to attend back in his home? No it doesn't make sense. He willingly came here? Or is it life, being mean to him?

I feel bad for him so i stopped myself from prying further with questions. ok, the real reason is i don't know how to phrase my question in Malay. Anyway. My point is, at that one moment and brief exchange of conversation with a stranger (yeah, i didn't even get his name.), I realized that i was given a lot of things compared to him.

Sometimes, we procrastinate too much and fail to appreciate what we are blessed with. We are given the opportunity to live in a comfortable environment. Knowledge, family, health, security. No hunger, or Hunger Games. Or war. Or anything that comes to your mind which you rather not to be with.

“Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the universe."
Kurt Vonnegut

I see this everyday around 6.27pm.

To realize how lucky you are. How lucky you have been. And you think you deserved it. And you simply disregard it as if its part of the package to be born in a material world. And neglect your parent's sweat and blood to provide you shelter, warmth and love?

We are young. We are naive. But always look around you and DON'T assume you deserve these. Cherish them. Before it's too late.

PHAIL

4/07/2012 08:05:00 PM

Yelps

2/28/2012 11:54:00 AM

Harlow! :) i have 30 minutes max to grumble so i'll try to do it fast here. I woke up at 9am and according to my schedule, i didn't really allocate time for blogging. But anyway. I love making excuse. So...

It's been a week and 4 days since i left Penang. And to be honest, I don't really have much time to be homesick in the beginning of this semester. Beep, sad case. First there's shhoo much outings and shopping for GROCERIES and other stuff that i don't wanna talk about that I keep spending money whenever I see my wallet around me. Grr. Well, at least this time I do keep track of the money I spent with an Excel file named Expenditure, and this is soo unlike last semester ahaha. Fyi so far the money I spent is nearly touching 400MYR! not bad huh :) Ok, next. The other on going thing that keeps me occupied 24/7 is my club activities and proposal. FML! (Fun and miserable life!) Meetings here and there, some embarrassment and rejection this and that, and I am still alive. I just wanna challenge myself, so no complain for these. So moving on.

yawns. sorry, i know it's very boring to listen to my nags and procrastination right. ok, i'll tone down a bit and try not to flame you the "fire of breakin' down". So folks, i know i am supposed to say something to cheer you up or make you think i am enjoying the time of my life. but sorrey. I just find these few weeks ahead dreary and busy and unimaginable. I don't even wanna think about it. Even Dream High 2 is getting shooo boring. What's wrong with the scriptwriter anyway, ugh. Coming back. Ok, good news is, I made a lot of Penang friends this semester! Whee. So happy to find my Penang gang in Miri as last year, I was the only Penangnite here. Aww, such a wonderful thing to see your kind flying over the sea just to be here with me. #Perasan Just kidding. Speaking of which, heyyy! I'm going to give my blog a face lift sooon. Soon as in, in 2 months time. Very soon right? This is an holy annual thing and i wanna make it special OMAIGAWD WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT. anyway. this, needs to wait. Priority to my academics which have at least 2 deadlines every week fcuk. Seriously, I'm not complaining. I'm just toning down as promised. winks.

And oh see, 30 minutes is up! Yay!!! I'm really out of things to say anyway. So i'll update you guys next time, and I promised I'll give you something more entertaining. And keep the moaaaaning to myself. ok bye!

Life can be awwshum if you want it to be.

Listening: The Mostar Diving Club - Worlds Apart

Say Hello to Goodbye

2/15/2012 08:52:00 PM

Happened

1/20/2012 10:37:00 PM

A Leap

1/01/2012 04:24:00 PM

Now. Here.

A leap from 2011 to 2012. A change in numbers and we are still in the same kingdom, fighting for the same dream. If 'we' isn't applicable (psst i know that sentence is so miserable), fine, I am. I am still the same old me with the same goal and hope: I simply want to pass my years ahead steadily and healthily. And put that %^$&*%$# contact lens into my eye balls without closing my eyelids. And start working my ass out by clearing all the rubbish on my table. And moves away from the shallow side such as stop appreciating abs on the wrong bodeh. And study consistently like what i'll always do during the beginning of a semester but err, not at the end. Consistency! And do less last minute tasks will you. And blog-wise, i'll try to be a-a-ahem mature blogger which do not use words like 'ass' and '%^$&*%$#' in her blog and ~~i'll~~ I'll try to start every sentence with a capital in 2012. And...

I'm not asking much.

I wanna do more artwork. I wanna move from sketches to actual sketches with colours. This will gimme more space of imagination and fun and accomplishment you know. Hey maybe one day i'll even make the clothes out from sketches #likeaboss who knows. All i want is to live on my passion before it burns off.

I wanna read more. This explains why I keep buying books. Believe me, I really am trying to finish a book before starting a new one but the temptation is always so hard to resist. Why you so mean new books! Oh btw, guess what I'm reading now. beep beep. I've added another book in my reading pile and what makes it so different is, it's an unabridged classic! and surprisingly, i'm actually enjoying it: A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. Love the historical setting and characters. i hope this will stop me from buying another new book again before finishing it.

And speaking of which, I need to start saving. You see i've kinda run out of money ever since this trip and those outings and the books and clothes and dresses and woah, i really need to start saving. I really spent a lot this year. And to save, I must eat wisely ;)

teehee, better! I'll eat less outside food and cook more. err that is if I can cook. If is a strong word, and i know i can cook, can't i? so. i'll be looking forward to a healthy lifestyle (that means more workout) although i'm taking a break around the holidays teehee. we'll see all this in uni.

ps: geesh this teehee thing is so infectious. fyi, i got the teehee syndrome from this youtuber. here, watch one of his video(link) and you'll know ;) Ryan Higa is so err, jorkerish and sexayish and rapperish. BEEP!

I would like to see Taylor on stage one day sigh.

Anyway. Congratulation on the hours that brought us to the first page of a new year. These bunch of words exist in order to kick start my solemn year because for gahd sake, i am an old lady touching 20 soon! sobs* let's mourn.

Nah. just joking, 2012, i'll be counting on you for a great year so please be good. In fact, you can count these words as my short-new-year-resolution-that-I-do-not-want-to-write-but-somehow-I-had-written-it-long-in-this-bunch-of-words. hmm hmm, i mean. Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book and I'll make sure I'll write a good one phew. ok, this is a better ending for my first post of the year. so, yeah. TEEHEE.