I've no idea how many times i had cried silently in front of people, angling my face down.
Or wrap myself up under the blanket, crying secretly.
Or weep repressively in the bath room, letting the sound of splashes of water to cover up my soft moan.

And the next day, i'll make up excuses to explain my swollen eyelids.
"i've not enough sleep last night."
"my eyes got infected. time to change my bed sheet."
"oh, i must have pressed my eyes while sleeping."

I don't like to go around and tell people that i've cried. I don't want people to know at all. Not that being a big fat liar is such a joy, who would want to lie if they are given a better option? But because i'm an oh-so-sensitive person, i've no choice. [Plus, it's so uncomfortable to share some personal issues with friends >.<]
You see, I will get teary-eye whenever someone started to show their concern for a-sad/hurt/in the mist of crying-me. And then my tear duct will let the tears out like an open tap. Tears fall and KA-BOOM! it'll never stop. That's when i begin to hide away from people. Although it never succeeded wtf. People will trail behind me and ask: "What's wrong?"

MunSTeR: "Nothing."


Right, that's it, no more  dwelling into the embarrassing part. Back to the topic peeps.

I don't cry much. At least not in front of my friends. In fact i'm categorized under the so-called cheerful & sunny department. But inside, I'm still a weakling. i cry for something unreasonable. i cry for my mistake. Sometimes i cry just for fun, ie. burst out laughing when i'm suppose to be upset. Sometimes i cry because i'm a failure. Sometimes i cry because i felt neglected. Sometimes i cry just for the sake of crying. Sometimes i don't even know why my tears are falling down. (They are sweats perhaps...) But i never cry when i'm impacted physically. Every time, it's the mental part playing games.
The way i put it made it sounds like my tears are so cheap omg. Well, they are not. I treasure every unfond memories. so that next time there's pay-back time. And every time after i've calmed down, i'll replay the whole situation and tell myself:


Which i did anyway. Gee, a lot of times...
So, conclusion?
I'm far from being strong.
But one thing i know is i'm still working on it.

Wow, it's July already. How come  time can come and go soooo dang fast, and yet i'm still....here, like This? Still with the same boobs, same butt, same height...Ok, better skip this VERY sensitive topic.





You know what? July is my favourite-st month of all time.

For one, it's my royal birth-month.
The month which I'm born and the month where I got a +1 on my age.
And this year's +1 is so much cooler and meaningful then the previous years one b/c i'll be 18 officially. Soon.

Just by thinking:
the presents and surprises that I'm gonna receive are making me soooooo looking forward to my BIG day. Gee, sounds like I really do love birthdays.
Well, I do and yet don't. I hate the attention and yet i like the feeling of being treasured.
Paranoid eh? But still, holidays are still the best.
Holidays are even better and attractive than b'day, leisure-wise.
Sorry, b'day.

Besides, I get to enjoy a lot of discounts and privellages  in this special month.
eg:- free head charge for karaoke...
........................and so on.
And reason No.3:
jeng jeng jeng jeng~!

The return of my Ciel and Sebastian in Kuroshitsuji II. On 1st of July.


Their comeback is the most  amazing pre-surprise, ever for my birthday. Thanks Yano Toboso-chan, wuwuwu...I'm so touched and content after swallowing the episode.
In fact, i was not eager to watch season 2. At all. (although I'm  such a loyal & devoted fan wth) This is because i was tricked by the official Kuroshitsuji web. Yep, the preview released bout 3 months ago was about a new butler and master. Can you believe that? My dear Ciel and Seb are NOT in. So, disappointed and angry, I decided  not to watch season 2. But now i'm glad i ain't no cow.(?) I watched. And gotten myself teary eyes after watching...... (emo-ing)

This is so embarassing. And exciting at the same time.


Ok, where are we....oh, about my month.