munsterina

Eyes Open

3/20/2012 06:58:00 PM

I rarely open up. I don't pour words or speeches when people approaches me kindly and simply asks: "How are you?" In fact this question will likely get a "fine" or "good" from me and i promise you this, i don't really mean it. I just don't like to elaborate more if i answered it the other way round. I remember when i hang out with my friends, there's always this gossip-slash-caring-slash-updating-session where we fill in each other with our stories and what we did for the past few months and stuff, i A.L.W.A.Y.S dunno what to share. So at the end i'll ended up sharing my 'beautiful encounter(s)'. Nothing too personal; just enough to fill up their curiosity and my 'report'.

Even when my dad or mum or family calls me, I don't really know what to say. Sure, I'll tell them i'm fine here and after that I don't know what else is there for me to say. Most of the times, if there's nothing unusual happen i'll just keep quiet and wait for them to lead the conversation. And then i'll always be the one who says bye first. There is not much interesting or worth mentioning stuff that happens to me. Define "interesting" ugh. But what i really want to say is, I miss you so much. I wanna go home. I'm not feeling well. I wanna quit study. I wanna be by your side. I'm not ok.

Oh yeah, my family do this thing you see, they'll call me when they're having dinner and put the phone on speaker on the table. And i'll be on another continent, clutching the phone tightly beside my ear and use this cheerful tone that i'm so used to it now and listen. As if i'm there. As if i never left. As if i'm home...

Sometimes, I admire how my roommate can hold her conversation with her mum for 30 minutes and plus. She'll talk about her daily routine(boring), who she met, what she ate(really?), how she feels and even what she learns. And me? it's always within 10 minutes. Period. And it's always my dad who initiates the call. Once they didn't call me one night or something i'll be like Y U NO CALL ME. emo.

Someone once told me that I may look friendly and talkative and such, but i'm always on guard when it comes to intimate subjects. That person told me that no matter how long it took, there's been always a wall in between us. I shrug. This is the truth, this is who i am. I don't share, the end. To me, opening up is like ripping my clothes off and to be naked in front of a crowd. So. If you're lucky, you might caught me doing that one day or once in a red moon. But don't expect too much will you.

For your information, this lengthy essay is the fruit of listening to The Hunger Games: Songs from District 12 and Beyond in loop. Especially when you're a fan of Taylor and you keep replaying her latest track - Eyes Open for uncountable times. And especially when you have a mild sore throat and at the same time feeling weak and defeated. Oh well, great. Not fair.

I guess i'm afraid that if you open up, people might fall in and hurt themselves. Or the other way round. Maybe, everybody's waiting, for you to breakdown; everybody's watching, to see the fallout and even when you're sleeping. Sleeping, you need to keep your eyes open. But, the trick is, are you ready? Am I?

Yelps

2/28/2012 11:54:00 AM

Harlow! :) i have 30 minutes max to grumble so i'll try to do it fast here. I woke up at 9am and according to my schedule, i didn't really allocate time for blogging. But anyway. I love making excuse. So...

It's been a week and 4 days since i left Penang. And to be honest, I don't really have much time to be homesick in the beginning of this semester. Beep, sad case. First there's shhoo much outings and shopping for GROCERIES and other stuff that i don't wanna talk about that I keep spending money whenever I see my wallet around me. Grr. Well, at least this time I do keep track of the money I spent with an Excel file named Expenditure, and this is soo unlike last semester ahaha. Fyi so far the money I spent is nearly touching 400MYR! not bad huh :) Ok, next. The other on going thing that keeps me occupied 24/7 is my club activities and proposal. FML! (Fun and miserable life!) Meetings here and there, some embarrassment and rejection this and that, and I am still alive. I just wanna challenge myself, so no complain for these. So moving on.

yawns. sorry, i know it's very boring to listen to my nags and procrastination right. ok, i'll tone down a bit and try not to flame you the "fire of breakin' down". So folks, i know i am supposed to say something to cheer you up or make you think i am enjoying the time of my life. but sorrey. I just find these few weeks ahead dreary and busy and unimaginable. I don't even wanna think about it. Even Dream High 2 is getting shooo boring. What's wrong with the scriptwriter anyway, ugh. Coming back. Ok, good news is, I made a lot of Penang friends this semester! Whee. So happy to find my Penang gang in Miri as last year, I was the only Penangnite here. Aww, such a wonderful thing to see your kind flying over the sea just to be here with me. #Perasan Just kidding. Speaking of which, heyyy! I'm going to give my blog a face lift sooon. Soon as in, in 2 months time. Very soon right? This is an holy annual thing and i wanna make it special OMAIGAWD WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT. anyway. this, needs to wait. Priority to my academics which have at least 2 deadlines every week fcuk. Seriously, I'm not complaining. I'm just toning down as promised. winks.

And oh see, 30 minutes is up! Yay!!! I'm really out of things to say anyway. So i'll update you guys next time, and I promised I'll give you something more entertaining. And keep the moaaaaning to myself. ok bye!

Life can be awwshum if you want it to be.

Listening: The Mostar Diving Club - Worlds Apart

Say Hello to Goodbye

2/15/2012 08:52:00 PM

Happened

1/20/2012 10:37:00 PM

One (Emotional) Day

1/12/2012 11:22:00 PM

A Leap

1/01/2012 04:24:00 PM

Now. Here.

A leap from 2011 to 2012. A change in numbers and we are still in the same kingdom, fighting for the same dream. If 'we' isn't applicable (psst i know that sentence is so miserable), fine, I am. I am still the same old me with the same goal and hope: I simply want to pass my years ahead steadily and healthily. And put that %^$&*%$# contact lens into my eye balls without closing my eyelids. And start working my ass out by clearing all the rubbish on my table. And moves away from the shallow side such as stop appreciating abs on the wrong bodeh. And study consistently like what i'll always do during the beginning of a semester but err, not at the end. Consistency! And do less last minute tasks will you. And blog-wise, i'll try to be a-a-ahem mature blogger which do not use words like 'ass' and '%^$&*%$#' in her blog and ~~i'll~~ I'll try to start every sentence with a capital in 2012. And...

I'm not asking much.

I wanna do more artwork. I wanna move from sketches to actual sketches with colours. This will gimme more space of imagination and fun and accomplishment you know. Hey maybe one day i'll even make the clothes out from sketches #likeaboss who knows. All i want is to live on my passion before it burns off.

I wanna read more. This explains why I keep buying books. Believe me, I really am trying to finish a book before starting a new one but the temptation is always so hard to resist. Why you so mean new books! Oh btw, guess what I'm reading now. beep beep. I've added another book in my reading pile and what makes it so different is, it's an unabridged classic! and surprisingly, i'm actually enjoying it: A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. Love the historical setting and characters. i hope this will stop me from buying another new book again before finishing it.

And speaking of which, I need to start saving. You see i've kinda run out of money ever since this trip and those outings and the books and clothes and dresses and woah, i really need to start saving. I really spent a lot this year. And to save, I must eat wisely ;)

teehee, better! I'll eat less outside food and cook more. err that is if I can cook. If is a strong word, and i know i can cook, can't i? so. i'll be looking forward to a healthy lifestyle (that means more workout) although i'm taking a break around the holidays teehee. we'll see all this in uni.

ps: geesh this teehee thing is so infectious. fyi, i got the teehee syndrome from this youtuber. here, watch one of his video(link) and you'll know ;) Ryan Higa is so err, jorkerish and sexayish and rapperish. BEEP!

I would like to see Taylor on stage one day sigh.

Anyway. Congratulation on the hours that brought us to the first page of a new year. These bunch of words exist in order to kick start my solemn year because for gahd sake, i am an old lady touching 20 soon! sobs* let's mourn.

Nah. just joking, 2012, i'll be counting on you for a great year so please be good. In fact, you can count these words as my short-new-year-resolution-that-I-do-not-want-to-write-but-somehow-I-had-written-it-long-in-this-bunch-of-words. hmm hmm, i mean. Today is the first blank page of a 365 page book and I'll make sure I'll write a good one phew. ok, this is a better ending for my first post of the year. so, yeah. TEEHEE.