Well, apparently i've been living a VERY pointless and aimless lifestyle for a while now. In fact, i'm practically drifting away like a speck of dust, so insignificant that the world wouldn't even notice when i'm gone. shrug. oh, sorry for using such unflattering words, just saying. i guess the reason i'm so worked up is because i'm still wandering around like an idiot, not doing anything with my life. it's like i've press the pause button and my life freezes on this scene where i'm stuck on this clueless crossroad ever since the big blow. this is where i am now. indecisive and timid. it makes me feel vulnerable and disturbed. all. the. time. horrible thoughts keep swelling my mind, choking me with their taunting 'what if' till i'm so beaten up and stop struggling or denying or running away. i may be smiling on the outside, but actually, i'm just as sensitive as a cancerian should be.
Do you get what i mean? it's meant to be confusing pointless anyway. so never mind.


okay fine, i admit: i'm just trying to bring out the cancerian thingy 'cause it looks so cool up there. but it's not like i'm not ripping my heart out for you to see via a microscope or anything. anyway. just shhhhhhhush. let it be pointless if it is, to you.

Alright. i'll proceed if you may, though, i'm not really asking for your permission or whatsoever.

It's kinda scary how the time passes just like that. Not long ago, i was just starting to look for a job but to no avail and boom, now i'm left with a month to work if, supposedly, i get a job. it's just like how i change my taste so drastically in 3 months time. 3 months ago i find the phrase 'you belong to me' so romantic and mellow, but now i find it egocentric and inconsiderate and it should be 'you belong with me'. not much difference and not that it matters cause this is supposed to be pointless to you.

i've been back to books and psp lately. i can stay up all night just to finish a book or play the psp till its out of batteries. Maybe this is a good sign for being able to let go of my worries, my ego, my disappointment, my expectations, my melancholic me; i don't know. i no longer feel anything clear. i made myself to believe in this temporary facade that soon, will fade away.

gahhh i seriously need commitment, somebody please shoot me. i'm beyond making sense now. but the funny thing is, sometimes, i DO make sense. duh.

*Track playing: Wish You Were Here, Avril Lavigne
  Current book: Lithium, Lauren Oliver
  Thought: this is bullshit.
  Current stress: 
   over-outing brings overflow of 'out-come' as opposed to 'income'.
   Shout out: thank you bullshit but i ain't no cow.