Be careful, MunSTeR
4/26/2011 02:03:00 AMThe sun was descending. I can feel its warmth and brilliant brightness seeping away slowly. My fingers were icy cold, but my face was heati...
4/26/2011 02:03:00 AM
The sun was descending. I can feel its warmth and brilliant brightness seeping away slowly. My fingers were icy cold, but my face was heating into a deep red down to my neck. I stared at the sun with my bare eyes until it hurts and looked away. Like how I always let my thoughts and imagination go wild until I cannot bear it any longer and try to shut it away. But it is a Pandora Box after all. It always been.
I've been extremely excited when I first got my job about a month ago. But that's before everything goes hay-wired. Right before I realized something that was not meant to happen at all. I look around and suddenly, every thing seems out of place, out of order, and out of control. I messed up. But the worst part was I cannot mend it up myself. All I can do is sit and dread for the worst.
A week passed and everything was solved in a day. Like passing clouds. Though people has seem to forget about this whole thing, I no longer feel the excitement I usually had. I am afraid of commitment, to it. I just want to cuddle back under my blanket and continue to sleep in the cold morning. I miss hanging out with friends, talking nonsense, laughing, screaming, singing, and even doing stupid things in the public. I miss staying at home, playing, singing, dancing around alone, lying down in safe territory and away from the war zone. I miss studying.
It’s not all sunshine and rainbows here, but it isn’t storm and thunder either. It's about plain bleakness. About how your monster caught up to you and give you a big blow whenever you're tying to stand back up. About how you should be extra careful in Wonderland and the fact that Mad Hatter does not exist. It's all up to you in this battle with the monster. I know.
In the real world, you only have a pair of worn-out shoes to keep your feet going and if you tripped, you'll be welcomed by the cold hard floor. I thought i have what it takes in this tough crowd. Yet, I lost my balance and fell on the side road. Looking back, everything looks easier in the lunch-box days where there's always a bigger bed to crawl into whenever you screwed up. Or whenever you want to hide and run.
I've been extremely excited when I first got my job about a month ago. But that's before everything goes hay-wired. Right before I realized something that was not meant to happen at all. I look around and suddenly, every thing seems out of place, out of order, and out of control. I messed up. But the worst part was I cannot mend it up myself. All I can do is sit and dread for the worst.
A week passed and everything was solved in a day. Like passing clouds. Though people has seem to forget about this whole thing, I no longer feel the excitement I usually had. I am afraid of commitment, to it. I just want to cuddle back under my blanket and continue to sleep in the cold morning. I miss hanging out with friends, talking nonsense, laughing, screaming, singing, and even doing stupid things in the public. I miss staying at home, playing, singing, dancing around alone, lying down in safe territory and away from the war zone. I miss studying.
It’s not all sunshine and rainbows here, but it isn’t storm and thunder either. It's about plain bleakness. About how your monster caught up to you and give you a big blow whenever you're tying to stand back up. About how you should be extra careful in Wonderland and the fact that Mad Hatter does not exist. It's all up to you in this battle with the monster. I know.
In the real world, you only have a pair of worn-out shoes to keep your feet going and if you tripped, you'll be welcomed by the cold hard floor. I thought i have what it takes in this tough crowd. Yet, I lost my balance and fell on the side road. Looking back, everything looks easier in the lunch-box days where there's always a bigger bed to crawl into whenever you screwed up. Or whenever you want to hide and run.
*
And so, here I am, whining. Overwhelmed with guilt.
And tired of being treated insignificantly. Tired of wearing a mask.
I know i should suck it up and move on.
Anyhow, the truth hurts.
Time will do his magic again and soon everything will be brand new.
But the memory will be there. Bad memory.
Can you relate? I can't.
(Listening to: Innocent Taylor Swift)
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